


Same to You, My Rival

by LadyMikiri



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gai is a good guy, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Survivor Guilt, drunk kakashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5435951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMikiri/pseuds/LadyMikiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi says somethings Gai agrees with but would never voice himself. Kakashi isn't the problem that he thinks he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same to You, My Rival

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place when Kakashi is 19-20. Let me know what you think.

* * *

 

“Where is he?” Gai muttered to himself. Nowadays, it was rare Kakashi was in the village for more than a day so Gai was determined to spend time with his rival. This storm wasn’t helping matters, however. Gai was a top notch shinobi; he could handle a little wind and rain, but even he was about to be blown off course. At least he knew Kakashi wouldn’t be sitting in a tree reading. No book could survive in this weather. It was almost one in the morning, maybe Kakashi had returned to his apartment by now.

Gai lept up to the familiar window and gazed inside. Still dark, still empty, still clean as always. “ _Wait a second,”_ Gai thought, squinting through the dark glass. As he recognized the outline of bottles laying on the floor, he remembered what day it was. He took off towards the memorial he knew he would find Kakashi at.

Kakashi didn’t get drunk. He might go out for drinks, but never consumed enough to effect his cognition. He had gotten drunk once before in connection to one of their rivalry challenges. Afterwards, he hadn’t remembered a single thing, and they had both sworn never to have a challenge like that ever again. For Kakashi to drink at all, this anniversary must have been worse than previous ones. Gai hoped he got there in time to help in some way.

As he neared the memorial, a voice reached his ears over the sounds of the storm. He got just close enough to make it out, then stopped.

“You’re still an idiot, you know that? You actually thought it would be a good gift. Why couldn’t you have remembered a normal gift? You could have gotten one of the thousands of old women you know to bake some cookies or something. It’s not like you would have remembered I don’t like sweets. Hell, you could have done it because you knew that I did!

“Instead, you give me your eye! Your eye to constantly remind me of my failure! My failure as your friend, your comrade! I’m not meant for this eye. I don’t have the Uchiha blood. I can’t turn it off. I can only go around every day with it draining my chakra like it’s reminding me I shouldn’t be alive!”

As Kakashi paused to breathe, Gai considered approaching him. His friend wasn’t in danger of hurting himself, but both of them might be if Gai tried to help. Gai also wondered if Kakashi might need this. He always elevated his old teammates to perfection. So many times Gai had wanted to point out to Kakashi that his old teammates had made decisions that had lead to their own deaths. But Gai knew mentioning anything of that sort would ensure Kakashi would never speak to him again. Maybe now Kakashi could work it out for himself.

Taking several more shaky breaths, Kakashi continued, “Do you have any idea what you asked of me? You asked me to protect Rin! Sensei couldn’t even protect Rin! I couldn’t protect you! Asking a shinobi to protect another shinobi is pointless. Shinobi are born to die on the battlefield. But I guess that’s not your fault. I was the one who agreed, after all.” Kakashi chuckled. Gai had never heard a more bitter sound. “And Rin. Rin, you knew what he had asked of me! You knew, and you still dove in front of my chidori. I was ready to die for you! I was going to fulfill my promise to Obito no matter what and _**you took that choice away from me!**_ ”

Kakashi fell to his knees, chest heaving with the effort of drawing breath. Gai thought now was the time for him to show himself. Kakashi seemed to have lost all fight left in him. As Gai stepped out from behind his tree, he heard Kakashi speak softly.

“Did you even consider what the consequences would be? Did you think about how the village would react? You know they already hated me. Did you think that would help? I didn’t think they could hate me any more; I didn’t think I could hate myself any more. But I was wrong. I was wrong like every other time. I wish they’d just sentenced me to death like they should have. I killed a comrade I was sworn to protect; it’s what I deserved.

“I have Obito’s Sharingan, you know. I can see every moment of that day perfectly. I remember the face of every person I’ve killed. I remember how it feels. The Sharingan copies everything-the feeling, the sound, the smell, and taste of everything- not just what it looks like. They all haunt me but not like yours. I dream of your death every night. I have to wash your blood off my hand every night. Some nights _I understand_ why my father did it. Then I hate myself because I swore I’d never follow his path.” Kakashi fisted his hands in his hair. He sat completely still for a moment. Then he spoke again. “And Minato-sensei. You fool. You-” Kakashi couldn’t continue. He held his head in his hands and shook.

For several minutes, Gai stood watching helplessly. Nothing he could do at this moment would ease this pain. He had never known about the nightmares or the thought that Kakashi perfectly remembered every kill. Everyone knew Kakashi carried the guilt of his comrades deaths, but it seemed no one could ever comprehend the true weight of of his burden.

When Kakashi stopped shaking and lifted his head, Gai knew it was over now. He saw the Sharingan spinning erratically. Kakashi had to be close to chakra exhaustion now. “Kakashi,” he said softly as he stepped forward. It was unnecessary. Kakashi slumped forward, likely grateful to be released from consciousness. Gai was there, catching his friend before he hit the ground.

...

Kakashi was positive his brain was several sizes too large for his skull and that it was going to escape at any moment. He opened his eyes and realized the end had truly come. Gai was in his kitchen in an apron making what appeared to be waffles. “What did I do?” Kakashi croaked. Why was his voice so hoarse?

Gai jumped. “Ah, my rival, you are awake,” he said, more subdued than usual. Kakashi was grateful that for once Gai wasn’t entirely oblivious to the fact Kakashi was in no mood for shouting.

“So it seems. Did we have another drinking challenge last night? I thought we swore never to do that again.” Kakashi sat up in bed, holding his head in his hand.

Gai considered his response carefully. “No, I, ah, I found you at the memorial stone.”

“Oh,” Kakashi said quietly. “I remember starting to drink that Sake. It was stronger than I expected. By the time I realized, I didn’t care. That’s the last I remember. Do you know if I did anything at the memorial stone? Did I mess anything up?”

Of course Kakashi would assume he messed something up. Gai desperately wanted to reveal what drunken Kakashi had said, but knew it would accomplish nothing but creating more pain. “It didn’t look like it. When I got there you were already out. I just brought you back here.”

“Thanks, Gai.” Kakashi traced the pattern on his blanket. Quietly, he continued, “I hope I never have to visit you at that stone.”

Kakashi’s head must be hurting for him to let that slip out. “The same to you, my rival.”

 


End file.
